USA IDA a Hundred Years from Today

Top Story: Voters vote in favor of democratic democracy: Executive, legislative, and judicial branches of government eliminated

From now on, all decisions will be made by internet vote.

(And if you’re not an internet user, the government will exile you to Antarctica.)

USA changes name to Internet Democracy of America (IDA)

Voting Results:

Internet Democracy of America 847 million

Fuck All Conservatives, Inc. 322 million

Fuck All Liberals, Inc. 322 million

The 547 Tribes Want Their Land Back 472,256

Land of the Free, Home of the Homos 12,456

Jim Smith is Proud to Announce That He Boned Lisa Johnson 1

Middle Eastern men are still pissed

Thank God we relocated the Middle East to Jupiter.

General MicroMcWalstaryota acquires Procter & ExxonCiscocalcoa in $793 trillion deal

“We plan to pass our cost savings onto the consumer,” said the new company’s CEO, who immediately raised the prices of all products and services by 30%.

“Nuclear pission” converts a pint of urine into an infinitiwatt of energy

In related news, the Dow Jones Energy Average dropped 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999%

Oh. Wait a second. It just dropped to 0.

Believe it or not, it just went into the negatives.

WEATHER

Um… mankind has been controlling the weather for the last twenty years. Vote for a temperature, cloud setting, humidity level, wind speed, and more now at www.thepeoplesweather.com

LOTTERY RESULTS

You don’t even have to check anymore. If you win, the money will be automatically credited to your account (minus taxes).