Do unto others as you'd have others do unto you.
Do not do unto others as Bill O'Reilly would like to do unto Obama.
Don't even think of doing unto others as Al Franken would like to do unto Bill O'Reilly.
Forgive and you will be forgiven (of a sin of equal or lesser value). Offer not valid in blue states Limit of two per person per day Cash value: $0.0001
Its easier for a camel to pass a kidney stone than for a rich man to bribe Heavens guards. Unless, of course, hes really rich--in which case he actually has a pretty good chance.
You cant serve both the Mets and the Yankees; you cant serve both God and money; you cant serve both red wine and blue cheese.
Let him who is not stoned cast my next movie. Also, stop portraying me as a British guy with long hair and a Jesus beard.
If a blind person is leading a blind person, both will end up in a ditch. If a tasteless person is leading a tasteless person, both will end up watching Benny Hill.
The first will be last, the last first, and the middle um uh the middle will remain in the middle.
Beware of all false prophets, and all infomercial pitchmen promising $19.99 miracles.