OK. There are a lot of characters and plots in this book--so so pay attention, or you won't understand what's going on.
The time is 1805. The place is Europe. Napoleon is trying to take over the world, and it looks like Russia is next on his To Do List.
Somewhere in Russia, a guy named PIERRE A. gets married after inheriting a lot of money--but his wife cheats on him, and he leaves her and becomes convinced he's Bookman from Good Times.
During all of this, Pierre's friend ANDY B. returns to the city after being wounded in the war, only to find that his wife died shortly after giving birth to his son.
His fellow soldier NICK C. also returns from the war, gambles away most of his family's money, and calls of his engagement to his cousin SONYA C. in hopes of finding a rich woman to marry.
His best friend BILLY D. signs an endorsement deal with Colt .45, and loans him $5,000 at 8% interest.
Th4re's also some woman named SHEILA E., who's a singer, and not in this book.
Napoleon strikes a treaty with Russia's King, and during the ensuing period of peace, Nick C.'s sister NATASHA C. becomes engaged to Andy B.--but Andy's father Mister B. doesn't like her, and persuades Andy to travel for a year and think about it.
A month after he leaves, Natasha C. falls in love with another guy--but although they try to run off and get married, their plan falls apart.
Andy B. comes home, finds out what happened, and dumps Natasha C.--and shortly thereafter, Pierre A. ends up falling for her.
Napoleon then invades Russia, and Andy B. goes back to fight, while Pierre A. becomes convinced he should assassinate Napoleon.
Mister B. dies, and his daughter MARY B. leaves their home when French troops make it into their city--and she ends up developing a romance with Nick C.
Pierre A., now a crazy wanderer in chaos filled Moscow, winds up being imprisoned by the French.
Meanwhile, the Cs leave their city, come across an injured Andy B., and take him with them.
Nick C. considers making good on his engagement with Sonya C., and decides to break up with Mary B.
Mary B. visits the Cs to see her wounded brother Andy B., and becomes friends with Natasha C. Andy B. forgives Natasha C. for cheating on him--and just before dying, he declares his love for her.
The Russian army heads back into Moscow after winning a battle, while the French take off with their Russian POWs, including Pierre A. Pierre A. is freed by the French, tracks down Natasha C., and marries her--and they go on to have four children, but don't really live happily ever after.
Nick C. ends up marrying Mary B., and the two of them more or less live happily ever after.
Oh--and Billy D. marries Sheila E. and has two sons --one of whom marries Pierre A. and Natasha C.'s daughter, and then divorces her and marries Britney S., who is having an affair with her married ex-boyfriend Justin T., and you can read more about that at TMZ.
OK. If you got all of that, then you must be a freaking genius--because I spent eight years writing it, and I'm still not sure who did what.