IDA a Thousand Years from Today

Unemployment rate hits 0.0000000001%, national emergency declared

The entire nation is on an all out search to find its only unemployed person and give him or her a job.

Stocks up 0.02% for the 17,023^rd straight day

World War for Peace IX saves 451 million lives

Final score: Alliance of Love 232 million, Alliance of Peace 219 million

Earth II announces grand opening

A Better World, Group has finished construction of a 478 trillion person capacity Earth II a whopping 672 years ahead of schedule and $698 gazillion under budget.

The new planet, which will self-replicate every fifty years, features a twenty seven mile long waterslide and 4x Thomas Crapper Mount Flushmore.

New technology converts nothing into food

And don’t worry—there’s an unlimited supply of nothing.

Iran declares March 23^rd “We Love the Jews and Israel Day”

“Death to nobody!” exclaimed the country’s Prime Minister.

A look back at the year 2010

By today’s standards, it was fucking crap.

Peace Terrorist Threatens to Save 10 Million People

Negotiators told him to go fuck himself.

WEATHER

Um… you can set your own personal weather settings by using your free iWeather device.

LOTTERY RESULTS

You don’t even need to buy a ticket anymore. The government awards $1 quadrillion to 10 random people each day.